Friday nights...

Umm, Friday nights... I remember when I used to be so happy for Friday nights to get here. It would mean... the weekend, yeah!!!! Friday's have became the hardest for me in the last couple of months I would say. I used to get so excited being able to plan things to do with my friends and everything, but that has changed. It just seems like I used to love Friday's because it meant going to the good ole BW3's in Plainfield after a tough night of sport's layouts at The Flyer and just kicking back to relax. Maybe, have a couple of drinks and enjoy the music. I miss those nights. I have for a long time now.

I guess, where I am now is so different. No one wants to hang out after work, and/or they have to rush home to do something. I come home, and I'm bored as ever. It's been like this as long as I can remember. Once, you have been a nightshifter you would understand. Your body gets used to staying up late. If you try to go to bed, you just can't. Well, I tried to work later tonight but no go on that. Overtime, is very rare at times but I love it because I have something to actually do. Of course, I have a list of "to do's" but who wants to do that on a Friday night.

I tried hanging out with individuals after work, but maybe it just backfired. It was just different. Man, at times, I just wish my friends from Florida lived here. We would go out for hours and hours just like back in the day after work. I guess, the facts are that people change and move on. Maybe, I just wish those friends could hang out every now and then.

I'd have to admit I have the strangest schedule in the world. I work nights and I work days. I miss out on so much because of my schedule. Someone tonight mentioned something to me along the lines of..."You are lucky. I have the worst shift, and I can't even go on dates. I don't have a life." I felt so bad for that person because I too have been there, I have. I used to work every single night, and when I wasn't working I was sleeping. It is true, you have no life but a life can be managed with time. I did it. True, I almost had a overworked breakdown but it can be done.

I have learned many things. If you want something bad enough such as a new schedule, it will happen. It will... Years and years of being on nights, and no professor ever told me in college that my degree in graphic design would be night focused. Your break does come nightshifters, and maybe just maybe you need a break. You need to be on days a couple of days throughout the week. Ask around, someone will help you out.

Another thing, if someone is really into you, then they will make time regardless of your night schedule. It just makes me sad because I know how nightshifters feel. I felt the same way. I still do on Friday nights, but I keep myself busy. I've learned how to have fun all by myself. It stinks at times, but sometimes that is all you have when the rest of the world is sleeping away. I am hoping that eventually the Friday nights change, maybe I would get so lucky and get a better schedule where I work during the day on Friday. I can only hope. But, never give up nightshifters and if you want something go after it try to get days, try to alternate, ask for someone to switch shifts with you, etc... I have learned unless you ask or try nothing will change.

For those of you who have seen me on nights then work days bright and early on Saturday mornings, then you know just by looking at me it was hard as ever. Someone once told me, "Samantha, you matter and you can't keep doing this to yourself. You look so tired and worn out.You do too much. " The lady that told me that, I heard her but didn't want to listen until I finally slept away the whole rest of the weekend. I needed it, and I know that now. Listen, to all those around you. They do have good advice even if we don't want to hear it.

I wanted to give a big "Thank you" to my boyfriend, Chris. He always helped me through those hard times regardless on how much I wanted to disagree with him. I thought of everything I put him through when I was on the nightshift, and I know I was not pleasant. Thank you for believing in me, telling me when I took on too much, when I needed a break, for being there through all of last year, etc... I could go on and on. You have honestly been an angel when I thought there was no more light left in my heart. You have given me so much and never changed. I am always so grateful for that. Thank you for all you do, and I just know 2009 will be even better:) I love you. Night for now.