Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! I really wanted to write the other night to get some things off my mind, but no computer access at the parent's house. Well, Christmas was good, really good but different. I saw my niece's and got to read them two books on Christmas Eve night, the classics....."Bambi" and "Alice in Wonderland." I didn't want to leave the room, but they had to go to bed sometime for Santa to come. While I was laying there reading the books, I then began to realize again how much I want children someday.

I tried my hardest to hold back the tears on Christmas Eve and Christmas, but it was tough for me I guess since this year was a little different. I just don't understand why parents can't stay together. See, my parent's are still together, but my niece's parents are no longer together. Most of my friends who are married are now divorced, and it just makes me wonder if there is anything to look forward to one day. But there is, children. Children just make you feel like you do matter, and they want to spend time with you. They always love playing with something and enjoy the time you spend with them.

It just really breaks my heart because I want children so bad one day and sometimes I feel like that will never happen. So I know the economy is bad and all, but we all make it through each year in some way. Then, the next year comes and goes. Maybe, this was the year something had to change. I have no clue what is going to happen with the future and all, but I do know that I'm trying my best each day. I give and give my all to people, and sometimes I feel like it isn't enough that I could have done more. I just don't know what else I can give sometimes. I just hope that there is some plan that awaits for me in the future. Other than all this thinking, it was a great Christmas spending time with my family. I do fear the day when I make the Christmas or Thanksgiving Dinner, lol... I pretty much got everything I asked for, two favorite presents: laptop from Chris and the Sookie Stackhouse box set series from my brother, Chad. I'll be making a trip to the Post Office tomorrow, sorry everyone for my late gifts but no time for the holiday rush while working my crazy shifts. Well, off to watch a movie to try to be a little more cheerful. Good night everyone, and Merry Christmas!